That's a relief.. I guess

As I reflected back what Shayra and I talked about during dinner tonight, I found that I needed to put them up in writing so that I could read again and again about one of the things that I said to her that truly gave me a slap of reality. Not really a slap lah, but a pinch will do.

Okay, our conversation started as her talking about this one guy that we both knew. The guy is simply amazing, enough said. He is perfect in each way and for us, the best way to describe him is "a husband material". Yes, the guy is that good, even though he is still quite young, just a year older than us both.

So you see, after we talked about her situation with the previous men in her life, like how she said about watching one by one of her friends settling down with their partners got her thinking; when will be her turn to find someone and to settle down like them? And she asked me whether I feel pressured about that too or not. So I answered straight away as "No". Yes, I maybe have a teeny bit feelings of wanting to be married and such, but not at all pressured to do so just because a few of my friends of the same age are settling down. That's what I thought at that very moment when she inquired me about it.

So yeah, that conversation went on until when we entered our room after dinner. While we're relaxing ourselves and all, I said something that I don't even know whether I meant to say it out loud or not: "Don't you think that we are getting so.. Mature? Because we are now trying to find someone that is a 'husband-material' and not just someone to fool around with anymore.." and when I realized I blurted those words out, I truthfully freaked out a bit.

Why oh why am I including myself in that statement when I was supposed to address Shayra only?? Am I getting mature too because I've had enough of fooling around and will settle down with someone who I thought is a 'husband-material'??

Where did my 'not ready for marriage at all', 'don't know whether to settle down or not', 'scared of trusting someone and to have him as a husband', 'not ready to take on the responsibility and challenge to be someone's wife', 'not confident in finding a suitable man for me' and all those other so-called 'principles' that I have all these while?

Man, I am normal after all. Well, at least that explains something. Quite a relief, to tell you the truth. I thought I will not going to give marriage a thought at all. Hahaha.

And that's the end of an irrelevant post. Chow.